“Where’s Wise? You were supposed to get Wise!” Jill demanded.I shrugged off my instinct to figuratively ‘get wise’ with her.
“Yeah, well, something came up!”
“Something came up?” Kate said.“What’s that even mean?”
I proceeded to tell them what happened:
I found myself in an accessibility stall in the mens room down the hall from my boss’s office.Stupidly, Fire Escaping into a bathroom stall was enough of a suggestion to my subconscious to suddenly make me want to pee.I tried to ignore it, pushing my focus back to the task at hand.I listened for anyone else in the bathroom but heard nothing.I even checked for other shoes underneath the walls of the stalls but found no one.It was safe to exit the stall without bothering to flush.
I left the stall and walked to the door of the men’s room, slowly opening it a crack.I could see down the hallway to the doorway that week-ago-me was sitting inside of.I suddenly felt a pang in my bladder again and shrugged.I checked my watch and saw that it had connected to the wifi in the building and reset itself, syncing the displayed time with the actual local time.I saw that Wise wouldn’t be showing up for a few minutes.I looked back down the hallway, saw no one, so I went back to the accessible stall and made a deposit.Yeah, it wasn’t just liquid assets but, well, you get where this joke is going.
As I sat there on the toilet I found myself thinking about how crazy my life was.I had just teleported into the men’s room at my workplace.That’s a pretty stress-free commute right there.Usually I rely on the busses that come once an hour.With this Fire Escape tech I could go home for lunch or for breaks or for any other reason and my boss might never notice.I realized how fun this tech would be if I could use it in my normal life.
I finished my business and went to wash my hands.
As I dunked my hands under the water and lathered them up with soap, I heard the men’s room door open.I looked up to see Wise entering.I smiled and felt both nervous that I had almost missed him, but glad he happened to come in.
He froze, completely surprised to see me.His eyes were wide and his expression was tinted with suspicion.“Jake…?Why… how are you in here?”
“Funny story!I’d like to tell it to you but—wow—it’s so good to see you again.”
“Uh, it’s been like two minutes.”
“No, this is week-from-now-me.”
“Oh.”He looked pretty puzzled.Or maybe it was inconvenienced.
“Can I just use the toilet please?This body needs to use the toilet a lot.”
“Sure!” I said.“Use the one on the end—the big one—it’s got lots of legroom.”
“OK!” He entered the stall and locked it behind him.I heard him unzip his zipper and start to relieve himself.I leaned against one of the sinks and rubbed my eyes.Suddenly, the sound of Wise’s pee stopped. I pulled my hand away from my eyes and looked to the stall.
“You OK, man?”
“Yeah, just light headed for a moment,” he said.“Think I didn’t eat enough this morning.”
“We can grab you some food once we get to my sister.”
“You found your sister?”
“Yep!Well, she found us, I guess.”
That’s when I saw a flash of blue light and when Wise started yelling.
“Hey!What the hell?! Who are—get off me!JAKE!”
I dashed to the stall door and pulled on it.Wise had locked it. I started pulling on the door.It was useless.I entered the stall next to his, climbed onto the toilet and then leapt onto the stall wall, ending up half in the accessibility stall and half in the other one.I could see a Fire Escape stuck in the open position as two men, half inside and half out of the Fire Escape, were grabbing at Wise.But Wise was fighting back.I knew I had nothing or everything to lose, so I tipped myself up and over the wall, letting gravity pull myself down and through the Fire Escape, bringing Wise and the two men with me.